One of those nights...

I'm having one of those nights. I'm:
crying,
panicking,
scared,
feeling horrible,
listening to depressing emo music,
feeling worthless,
alone,
guilty,
dirty,
in my bedroom,
obsessing about someone not worth obsessing over,
soaking my kleenex's,

the list goes on...

These are the nights I'm most afraid of. I can't seem to control myself. Sometimes I stare into the mirror and watch the tears fall down my cheeks. My eyes and lips turn red and my skin becomes shiny.

The worst part is when I turn the lights out and climb into bed, when there's nothing left to hear but the loudest silence. I've had way too many nights like these and I'm afraid to go to sleep. I'm still having dreams like the ones I had last summer. The worst dream was when I saw Jon slit his throat right in front of me because he didn't like something I did. I let out a shriek in my sleep and woke up. My pillow was drenched with tears.